I have to admit to you, lately, I’ve been afraid. How many times have I gone down this path and failed? And now I walk the road again, with failures beating at my door. They want to come in and make me paralyzed, and I let them in sometimes. I let them sit with me, defeating me once more before I’ve begun again. My faith seemed so strong, yet apparently not stronger than the fear that stops me from moving. What am I to do? What makes me think this time will be different?
We have all failed. Knowing oneself seems to be at a disadvantage at times when we let weakness define us, and confine us, preventing ourselves from doing things. The thing is, I do believe God can do it, despite my weaknesses. I believe He is the God of the impossible. So why do I still not walk forward in faith? Why do my fears prevent my obedience? What can be strong enough to break this self-made, experiential reality?
“Behold, as for the proud one,
His soul is not right within him;
But the righteous will live by his faith.” Hab 2:4
My soul had not been right within me. Yes, I’ve been proud, though I didn’t recognize it as pride. One moment, I’m broken before Him, the next, I’m unsettled.
In those unsettled places, I feel very alone. I’m focused on me. There’s nowhere that I could be that would fulfill me. If I were in a different place, things might be different, but there is this deep groaning knowing that things will not be different because everything is the same. Fear overcomes here.
In those broken places, the constant is that I am humbled. I am focused on Him, and I fade away into His beauty. He speaks, and it reassures every fiber in my being. He is trustworthy and faithful, and I have faith in His presence. He is able to mold me there, and there is no fear. None.
Mistakes will be made. Many righteous in the bible made mistakes along their journey, but their hearts were postured in humility before their Lord. The knew who their God was, and that He can redeem and will follow through with His promises.
“And they brought to Him a paralytic lying on a bed. Seeing their faith, Jesus said to the paralytic, “Take courage, son; your sins are forgiven.” Mat 9:2
When we are humbled before the Lord, we are able to keep our eyes on Him, and to seek His heart. In Him, we can have faith. In Him, our sins our forgiven, and we don’t have to walk out this life shadowed by our failures and shortcomings. It actually says to boast in our weaknesses because that’s where He can prove Himself strong. He wants to be the God of the impossible to us. This time is different, because of HIM.
“to open their eyes so that they may turn from darkness to light and from the dominion of Satan to God, that they may receive forgiveness of sins and an inheritance among those who have been sanctified by faith in Me.'” Acts 26:18
