When I was a young girl, I was extremely afraid of dying. If I had a blemish on my skin- it meant cancer. A pain in my chest- heart problems. I was so consumed with my future plans- marriage, college, even the following weekend- that I spent my time waiting for the future to come to pass. Then one day, a thought popped into my head- ‘I’m going to die young’. At first, fear overcame me. That meant that everything I lived for, my hopes and my dreams, would be dashed. And then, a sudden unexpected peace came over me. I was OK with dying. I walked forward from that day attempting to live more in the present.
Fast forward to now. The Lord is still teaching me to live in the present. I was telling this story to my friend and was reminded of the thought of dying young. If I died today, would I be okay with my life- satisfied with all I did? At first I was discontented. I was dreaming big things for the future and working towards the plans God has, and I knew that I was in a place yet again that if I died, I would feel disappointed.
This got me thinking. I realized that I have the very thing this life is all about, and I have experienced the joy of living out part of the love story with my Creator. Even though the dreams I was living for had shifted from my dreams to His dreams, I could rest assured that He doesn’t need me. What a joy of being a part of something bigger than myself. I resolved that it was okay if I died tomorrow, and quite frankly I long for that day where I can gaze upon Jesus’ face and kneel at His feet in PURE worship.
From these thoughts, I also got determination. I didn’t want to waste my time anymore. I want to live in the present. When I’m with someone, am I actually WITH them? How many times do I actually give my all in the work I do, and consider it a joy? With my spare time, am I spending it in the future, the past, am I wasting it on things that don’t matter at all, or am I listening to the Spirit and His plans for me in that moment- be it sitting in His presence, reading the Scriptures, praying, ministering to others, etc. God’s been showing me that He will lead me to do something to prepare for the future or heal the past when He wants me to, but how often do I pine away and worry about the future/past needlessly when there’s Kingdom needing to be brought right outside my door? Satan tries to deceive us by letting us think it’s too much effort to seek the Lord, as well as many other tactics he has…, when in reality it is such a joy and a blessing when we do. And even so, whose am I now, anyway? I am not my own; I am a temple of the living God. How dare I spend my time as if it is mine, live this life as if it is my own. There is freedom and power when I take my eyes off myself and onto Him and others, and that’s when love and the fruit of the Spirit usually show up in my life. Let us be about our Father’s business. He’ll lead us if we let Him.
Lord, help me to live in the present, seeking You, and trust that you will guide me when needed.
“But this I say, brethren, the time is short, so that from now on even those who have wives should be as though they had none, those who weep as though they did not weep, those who rejoice as though they did not rejoice, those who buy as though they did not possess, and those who use this world as not misusing it. For the form of this world is passing away.” 1 Cor 7:29-31.
So good Jenny… I have struggled with the very same thing and I’m still learning that God is in control of my life and there’s nothing I can do to change His plan. The devil has one heck of a day when I give into the fear of whether I live or die. So stupid now that I say it out loud. But thanks Jesus I’m slowly recovering over this and it is true when I say that I understand you. Love ya girl!
I love this Jenny!
You have found His heart and found it is the best place to “live”. Thank you for the encouragement.
Thanks for sharing your heart…
Jenny this is great! The Lord is wanting you to die everyday, die to the flesh that is, so that He can live through us (Galatians 2:20,6:12-17). Jenny what a great encouragement the Lord is making you. Praise be to the One who conquered the grave!
Amazing Revelation! 🙂
Jenny! This is awesome! You addressed some stuff I’ve been struggling with and helped. Keep writing! Love you!
Well,,, it won’t be “OK” for me, sweetie,, but I would find comfort in knowing where you have gone, and that we would, one day, join you in ‘gazing upon Jesus’ face and kneeling at His feet in PURE worship.’
You are such a joy and blessing to your earthly father, that I can imagine what a joy and blessing you are be to our heavenly Father
Love and miss you soooooo much.
mmmmm…beautiful Jen
You are so sweet Jen, I keep thinking that someday I will be able to live in the present and I noticed a while ago that I was… however I find discontentment weaseling its way in just when I think I have it all together. I miss you. Sending you much love.