When I first started working for AIM, I was a personal assistant. I was trying to figure out what was next. I was considering overseas missions somewhere. My boss was moving to start the Long Term Missions branch of AIM and wanted me to join, but I felt I had no part in that. He said I could either be sent, or be an enabler for many more to be sent. I didn't understand- why would my staying enable more to go than me not being there, and why not be sent if I'm willing and able? So I started looking into locations of where I might go.
One day I was reading a missionary's blog from Nigeria. He was saying that well organized short-term mission trips could benefit his church by making it more missions focused as opposed to numbers focused. Something shifted in my mind. It felt like the Spirit was imparting me with something that I couldn't fully grasp yet, but I could feel His power and presence. I realized that I used to have the mindset that I, as a missionary, would go over and create disciples and followers of Christ, but it ended there. I didn't fully understand that they have a call on their life, also. They too have to pick up their cross and follow Jesus. That might mean to serve the body or their local community, that might mean to be sent out to another nation. They have specific giftings and parts to play in the body. I got a vision of church bodies rising up in every nation, sending members out and expanding. Missionaries everywhere, from everywhere.
I knew I had to do something about this. I took it to my boss. He said he had the same vision 3 weeks earlier, which made him start Long Term Missions. ! He said that was confirmation for him. I told him that was confirmation for me now, too! I told him I was on board. They weren't starting anything until the fall, and Short Term Missions needed more staff in Haiti for the summer, so I went.
Getting back, I just wanted to go right back out again. I love working overseas and living amongst the least of these. I figured they didn't really need me for anything- it's not like I had expertise they were counting on. Plus, my new position would have to be fully support raised, and I didn't have much success with that in the past. I started contemplating the possibilities- college, get a 'real' job, live overseas, etc. The night before I had to decide, the Lord started to press on my His heart for the broken, the lost, the captives, the needy. Then the next day at the Long Term Missions meeting, they were talking of spreading the glory of the Lord across the whole earth, and I felt confirmation that this is what I was supposed to be doing. I went to my boss and said that whatever it means, if it was sitting in a cubicle from 9-5 every day doing detail work that I'm not that good at but no one else wants to do, I'm in. That's when he told me of a position they needed to fill, and he said in the meeting he saw me doing it. We have 14 international locations with long term missionaries in them that we want to send people who want to be long term missionaries as interns to. I'll be spending a month or two in each location doing set-up for the interns coming through, serving and encouraging, and getting their stories and needs. I'll also be checking out other ministries that we possibly want to partner with.
This way, instead of me just meeting one need, I can find the need and find people to fill it. I want to create awareness to the need in this world and tell the stories of people who are doing something about it.
Right now, I'm trying to raise up a support team who will enable me to do this. This is one of the most stretching times, but it solidifies that this is what I'm supposed to be doing. I need people who will support me with prayer, monthly finances, and maintaining connected. I need help. I'm trying to raise 2,500$/mo that covers travel and living expenses. Please let me know if you can help and would like to be involved in any way.
Across the road from where our staff house was in Haiti is a family that sells drinks. We would get cokes regularly throughout our time there. One day, around half way through the Summer, one of our staff took a team there to minister to the family. It turns out there was a girl in her twenties that was a new believer, and the only one out of her 7 siblings and parents. They asked if they could pray for her, and she surprisingly said 'no'. When asked why, she said that us staff had lived across the road buying soda from them, but had not once asked to pray for her. She eventually let them pray for her.
When I heard of this encounter, I saw how poorly I was ministering to the community around me. Of course I always mean to get to know my neighbors, but this is an ideal I never seem to attain. In my mind, I had viewed the short term trips I was helping to lead as my 'ministry', and didn't realize how much not getting to know my neighbors was effecting the representation of Christ to others. They know what I'm here for and what I'm supposed to be all about (Jesus), yet where was the love for them? I then determined to get to know this woman. Her name is Samentha.
I remember when I first went over to 'socialize' (hard to do when you don't speak the same language). She happily pulled out a chair for me and the staff I was with, and we tried to get by on what we knew- which sometimes resulted in... silence. When we were about to leave, she said she loves us, was happy we came, and that she would miss us until the next time. Thus starting our lovely, interesting friendship. I got to see her house and meet her family and friends. I accidentally attended an awesome house church she goes to (lost in translation). The last time we hung out, she had showed up at our door with a friend of hers to give me their numbers, in case they were ever in the U.S. (AKA Miami).
Samentha always had a smile. She was always up for hanging out or planning a time to hang out, because she just wants to be with you- nothing more. Even if it meant sitting in silence, or the hassle of trying to get something across through a English/Creole dictionary. She was constantly giving, giving, without expecting in return. She knows how to love. She taught me more of the simplicity of love and the importance of getting to know my neighbors. Please, keep her in your prayers as she continues to be a light to her family and her community.
In Haiti, we had a laundry lady that came every week. Her name was Monique. She is a beautiful and kind lady whose house got destroyed in the earthquake. She would travel quite a bit to get to our place and wash our clothes so she could provide for her daughter back at home. It usually takes her two days to get the laundry done. She brings the washed clothes up to hang, and if I was around I would wring them out and hang them up for her while she washed more clothes downstairs so it would go quicker for her.
One of these times, I was wringing the clothes out- and developing some blisters (who knew you could get blisters from wringing out clothes?)- and when I finished with that batch, I decided I'd go down and see if she could teach me how to hand-wash the clothes. I figured it might be a good trade to learn, but I also really just wanted to spend time with her. I went down and with some motions got across that I wanted to learn. The lady that lives downstairs brought a chair for me to sit, and Monique showed me how to wash. She took the fabric in both her hands and made fists, rubbing the fabric quickly up and down against itself. She did it in a way that it made this peculiar noise... which I couldn't ever seem to make. When I got close to making that noise, a hopeful, encouraging look would cross her face to affirm that it was right, but I couldn't ever keep it going. She would talk and laugh with the women around us, and of course I figured they were laughing at me. I knew this was something to get used to in foreign cultures- being laughed at- though I wasn't sure if I was a burden to her work or not. I wanted to help her, not slow her down and make her feel like she has to teach me.
My hands were starting to get raw and my blisters opened- which made it worse with all the soap. I was grateful when we finished with a batch of clothes so I could have a break and go hang them up for her. While I was in the middle of hanging them up, I saw Monique coming up the stairs. She didn't have any clothes in her hand to give me... maybe she was seeing if I was done so I could come down? She came up to me, gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek, and said in English, "I love you." Surprised and elated, I said, "Thank you, I love you too" in Creole. She went back down to continue her work.
Those three words suddenly had weight and meaning behind them. I can nonchalantly say that I love someone, but now there was action and sacrifice put behind that love. I looked down at my hands. Was it worth it? Yes. Absolutely. Actually, I was grateful for the physical evidence and reminder of love. Every time I washed dishes or hit the wounds, there was beauty and joy in the pain as I remembered Monique. Maybe that's why, even after Jesus rose from the dead, He still has the holes where the nails had pierced Him. He made the ultimate sacrifice, went through all of that pain and suffering... for love.
When I was a young girl, I was extremely afraid of dying. If I had a blemish on my skin- it meant cancer. A pain in my chest- heart problems. I was so consumed with my future plans- marriage, college, even the following weekend- that I spent my time waiting for the future to come to pass. Then one day, a thought popped into my head- 'I'm going to die young'. At first, fear overcame me. That meant that everything I lived for, my hopes and my dreams, would be dashed. And then, a sudden unexpected peace came over me. I was OK with dying. I walked forward from that day attempting to live more in the present.
Fast forward to now. The Lord is still teaching me to live in the present. I was telling this story to my friend and was reminded of the thought of dying young. If I died today, would I be okay with my life- satisfied with all I did? At first I was discontented. I was dreaming big things for the future and working towards the plans God has, and I knew that I was in a place yet again that if I died, I would feel disappointed.
This got me thinking. I realized that I have the very thing this life is all about, and I have experienced the joy of living out part of the love story with my Creator. Even though the dreams I was living for had shifted from my dreams to His dreams, I could rest assured that He doesn't need me. What a joy of being a part of something bigger than myself. I resolved that it was okay if I died tomorrow, and quite frankly I long for that day where I can gaze upon Jesus' face and kneel at His feet in PURE worship.
From these thoughts, I also got determination. I didn't want to waste my time anymore. I want to live in the present. When I'm with someone, am I actually WITH them? How many times do I actually give my all in the work I do, and consider it a joy? With my spare time, am I spending it in the future, the past, am I wasting it on things that don't matter at all, or am I listening to the Spirit and His plans for me in that moment- be it sitting in His presence, reading the Scriptures, praying, ministering to others, etc. God's been showing me that He will lead me to do something to prepare for the future or heal the past when He wants me to, but how often do I pine away and worry about the future/past needlessly when there's Kingdom needing to be brought right outside my door? Satan tries to deceive us by letting us think it's too much effort to seek the Lord, as well as many other tactics he has..., when in reality it is such a joy and a blessing when we do. And even so, whose am I now, anyway? I am not my own; I am a temple of the living God. How dare I spend my time as if it is mine, live this life as if it is my own. There is freedom and power when I take my eyes off myself and onto Him and others, and that's when love and the fruit of the Spirit usually show up in my life. Let us be about our Father's business. He'll lead us if we let Him.
Lord, help me to live in the present, seeking You, and trust that you will guide me when needed.
"But this I say, brethren, the time is short, so that from now on even those who have wives should be as though they had none, those who weep as though they did not weep, those who rejoice as though they did not rejoice, those who buy as though they did not possess, and those who use this world as not misusing it. For the form of this world is passing away." 1 Cor 7:29-31.
On Monday night I wanted to worship, so some of my team and stayed up to praise God. Ever since the Jesus vision, one of my favorite pastimes was to imagine Jesus wherever I'm at, but up until this point it had all been in my head. a song was being strummed, and I felt like Jesus was asking me to dance with Him. It took me a few moments to work up the courage, but when I finally did, it was amazing, and I was thinking.. 'sorry it took me so long'. I danced with Him the first song, and then the next I was dancing for God. I was realizing that, out of all the glorious creations that God has made; the ocean, flowers, the stars I was dancing under, that human beings are the most beautiful. That I was more beautiful and that He delights when I try to make a beautiful dance before Him. After that song, I looked at Rebecca and felt like I should ask her to join me. I didn't know if she wanted to but just needed a push or something like that, so I asked her and she joined me in a more silly dance. I felt that the thing that would make this picture complete was if Cait joined. I asked her, but she said she was looking up a bible verse so maybe later- God was doing something else in her heart at the moment. Finally I sat down, and then Garrett and Cait heard what it sounded like a woman crying or laughing. We prayed about it, and something I said in the prayer was similar to what God was telling Cait to look up in her bible earlier about spiritual warfare, which seemed random up until that point. That was awesome. I had been thinking the whole night about how faithful God is, because He totally came through on this worship night thing. When I said how faithful He is Cait flipped because she had been listening to Faithful to the End by Cory Asbury earlier and it had been stuck in her head. Us three girls sang the faithful part of that song:
You're faithful to the end, faithful to my heart, faithful to the end, won't You come and marry me?
I see Jesus. I leap from the boat and run towards Him. I don't even realize that I'm walking on water, because in my mind there is only one thing. Him. No thoughts of unworthiness or past mistakes that have kept me from Him, because now, He's right there. I reach Him, only then looking down at the water, and all I can do is laugh. He holds out His arms and He gives me a great big bear hug. His intense joy transfers from His body to mine, and all I can do is laugh and cry. You know when you hug someone and if you do it for too long it gets awkward? Well that doesn't happen with Jesus- rest assured! I felt like I could hug Him all day long, and then some. We finally break it off, only to go right back into another hug. After this hug is over, He takes my hand and kisses it. Now this is when all the thoughts of unworthiness catch up to me. I start to sob. Here He is treating me like a princess, when I should be at His feet asking for mercy and forgiveness. I don't deserve this. I don't deserve this. As He leads me back to the boat, I wonder when I'm going to wake up from this fairytale. I come to the terms with the fact that all I can do is accept it and be eternally grateful. So here I am back to laughing and crying, holding His hand, and I do a little dance. He follows, imitating my dance with such grace and joy, and then He throws His head back and lets out peals of laughter and it's the most amazing sound you'll hear. It makes my heart jump. It's like He's romancing me, wooing me, but not anything sensual about it. The only relationship I can get into words is like a father/child, bridegroom/bride, and friends all put together. He's leading me back to the boat, never letting go of my hand. I cannot describe the feeling of joy and love that comes from His touch, and the one thing I know for sure is that I never want to let go.
The last two New Years are the best I've had so far. Last year I raced home at 11:30 pm to arrive just before midnight and celebrate with my parents, just having our traditional Sparkling Apple Cider- and there's something about the way my mom prepared it- it was the best glass I've ever had! Then, I fell asleep in my father's lap, at peace.
Fast forward to a year from then, we spend New Years with a bunch of African kids. We set off fireworks, then carried them next door to their houses when they fell asleep. We had Appletizer- the closest thing we could find to Sparkling Apple Cider, and then called it a night. The one thing that made this night so amazing was a moment amongst the hectic shootings of fireworks and kids going crazy- when I was lying on a blanket, gazing up at the stars with two little girls nestled next to me, falling asleep. I was at peace. There's just something about having a child/someone fall asleep in your arms. :)
I decided soon after getting to Africa that I wouldn't be having Christmas this year. This would be my first winter away from home. How in the world could you have Christmas without snow or family? How could you have Christmas in the summer? How could you have Christmas in a place where they use umbrellas when it's sunny? That is unheard of! Well, I obstinately shut out the Christmas music people would play and anything else that had Christmas cheer, though I did put a picture of my yard back at home covered in snow as my background.
About a week or two before Christmas, Teisa gave a message beginning with the statement of how cool it was that on Jesus' birthday, he wants to give everyone else presents. As simple as it was, I had never thought of that before. She proceeded to ask the group what they can give Jesus for Christmas. That message stuck with me.
Then my team had to do a Christmas skit for all the kids at the feeding center. We had Jesus on His birthday with his friends. His friends said happy birthday, but then they had to go do something and would "be right back." Decorating, food prep, family, friends, games, Jesus was left alone. He tried to join us with what we were doing, but he was rejected. Finally He yelled "It's my birthday!" and we all went to him, with someone cheesily throwing out the line "we forgot what Christmas was all about!" and asked to hear of his birth.
Christmas Eve rolled around and we went to a candle light service. Pastor Surprise gave a message about how on Jesus' birthday, the angels came down from flapping their wings at God to flap their wings at the shepherds- at us- telling of the good news and pronounced peace and good will towards men. He went on to say that we would see angels on Christmas day- anywhere we're at: on the road, at home, etc. It was a good message. Now let me tell you about Christmas day and the angels we saw.
After having a nice turkey lunch with a couple here at Micheal Childrens' Village, we set out to spend the next few days in Durban- around an eight hour drive. We stopped in Ermello, ZA to try and find some dinner and it looked like a dingy town that we didn't want to stop in. Nothing seemed to be open anyway. We were on our way out when we came upon a McDonalds. Well, most of the team seemed to be stoked at eating Christmas dinner at McDs... Me not too much, but sacrifices had to be made. While at McDs, we asked this Afrikaans man with his wife and two children which way is safer to Durban. He expressed concern and offered for us to stay at his uest house. We decided we would try the roads out for a half hour and see, and if they weren't kosher we'd give him a call. By then it had started to rain with thunder and lightning on the way. We didn't get far before coming upon a construction zone with flashing lights and "caution" signs. We couldn't see much in the dark, and it was hailing, but one lane was blocked off with no one manning the traffic so we could've easily hit oncoming traffic. Thankfully we pulled over and decided to stay with the Afrikaans family, all awhile I was looking for angels in the flashes of light. and then I realized... They were our angels.
So I had Christmas after all. Who needs anything else when you have Jesus?
So this is an overview of what we've been doing here in Africa up until now. Sorry it took so long to get a blog up! :D
The first couple days we stayed at the Betor House in Nelspruit, ZA with Kent and Shea, and Terri.
They sent us to Mozambique for around 5 days. We helped this lady fix her garden, and then we went to a place where prostitutes' children stayed. We put on relay races, built a sandbox, and played with the kids.
Then we went back to the Betor house and stayed there for around a week.
We went to an Iris Ministries base in White River- Michael's Children Village- for a months. There were four houses right next to eachother, two full of children, one with a missionary couple and a baby they were taking care of, and the house we stayed in. We played with children, held babies, helped with the feeding center ministry, and helped out with whatever Jean and Teisa- the coulpe in charge of the base- told us to do, including painting, cleaning, sorting gifts, etc.
Then we stayed at the Betor house for around a month to help Terri hold down the fort because Kent and Shea went to America. There we helped with the weekly meat market ministry, devotions at the realtors office, lessons at the school, daily devotions with the workers, chores around the house, and some other things.
For a week during the time we were at the Betor house, we went to Geiza, Mozambique to stay with Tenny. We did house and hospital visits and childrens' ministry.
After all that at debrief, they changed our location to Mozambique staying with a missionary family that are from South Africa: Jaco, Marie, and their children Maggie and Rudo. We've been there for a month now, and are in South Africa at the moment renewing our visas and heading back there for the remainder of the trip. There, we help with the church by doing childrens ministry and preaching and teachings on worship. We help tutor Maggie and Rudo with school, we do house visits, prison ministry, and are going to do hospital visits when we get back. We did a womans' seminar and will hopefully do another one before we leave.
For around five days last month we went and stayed at an orphanage that Jaco started. We lived with the kids.
So that's what we've been up to since Africa. There will be blogs later about specific experiences and awesome God stories. God is faithful!
So there are lots of bugs in Mexico, and as a result, lots of bug bites. Here, when we say, 'don't let the bed bugs bite!' we really mean it. They were being abnormally itchy this particular monday morning at around 3:30am. After scratching for awhile and failed attempts at sleep, I got up to spend some time with the Big Guy. I grabbed my books and headed off to the Middle room. Then God was like, 'Hey, let's have breakfast', so I got a bowl of cereal before I went upstairs to read. After an hour of that, I tried to sleep for an hour until I heard voices coming from downstairs. I went down with the intention to commune at 5:30am and discovered that the noise was everyone waking up and getting ready to leave. At 5:30am. I had to get ready in a hurry and didn't have time for the breakfast they were serving. Isn't that awesome?! God woke me up extra early so I could spend time with Him and eat breakfast before heading out for the day. Who knew? Ha!
Fruity Love
So I'd been hitting a rut and getting frustrated: I couldn't see any fruits of the things I was doing. I would pray for people to get healed... nothing. I began to wonder if I was doing something wrong. I know that our fruit is not our own and a lot of it we're never going to see ourselves, but isn't there supposed to be some evidence that God is moving? Then, that night Jonathan Almanzar taught about the fruits of the spirit, or the one fruit: Love. Isn't it amazing how the teaching or sermon exactly addresses what you've been dealing with that day or week? That happens a lot to me- so cool! Bringing it back, Jon was saying how there's one fruit of the spirit, love, and the following words in the verse are describing love. I had been thinking that to see my fruits would be to heal the sick or cast out demons... but love? It totally changed my perspective! I still don't know exactly what that looks like, but I'm having fun figuring it out! Hmm... Love. Think about it.
Praise the Lord!
God is constantly on my mind, and when I do get discouraged, mostly because of my surroundings or my failures, it just takes a couple of minutes to refocus and I think of how awesome God is and that He's completely in control. I've been waking up at 6am lately to spend time with the Lord, and it's an incredible way to start the day off!
I want to spend time with people and get to know them, but also want to be reading the bible all the time and be spending time with Him. I do feel torn, but at the same time I feel like I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. He is with me always. I just love life. Love God. Love living my life for God.
I've been trying to use more expressions and excitement because... why not? God gave them to us! I love surprising people.
I love finding God in everything. I mean, He choses to do little things to take care of me and not just the other huge ways. God's so good! I'm learning to be totally fine with anything that happens and to not let those little things bog me down. And to think that maybe those little things aren't just for me, but it turns into a God story that I can share and bring glory to God! :)
